Picture this post wearing a blindfold, holding up a copy of today's newspaper. This being the first blog post I will ever publish, I sense the need to throw out some sort of manifesto, some statement of purpose, to define the bounds and direction of this here space. Passive-aggression precludes me from doing so definitively. So, I'll try to serve up something and nothing at the same time. Already, I'm seeing this effort as my own personal adverb. It's been a long time since I learned how to do something.
My ex-wife, my friend, says I need to grow. My ex-wife, my nemesis, says I need to grow up. I've had this oedipal migraine for quite some time. Which reminds me, I probably should see an optometrist, before I can't see, period. I'm not comfortable with others understanding me. But I'm amused that anyone should understand me at all. I guess I'm just lucky that way.
Life right now is a mishmash of self-doubt, pride, optimism, meditation, desperation and quiet rage, sauteed in Pepcid and hand-me-down Lexapro. From my balcony, I have a 180-degree view. It begins in the west, where I began to go wrong. The view ends where I thought I wanted to be, in the east. And I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, unable to return in either direction. Not that I want to. I'm just here, right now, for now. I stare out at the red neon letters of the Magic City Casino, reminded how all of life has odds to prevail or defy. I've never looked the board. Think I better start.
It is, after all, a new year.
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